Softness Is Not a Flaw – Reclaiming Rahmah in Our Tone
Bismillāh.
This is a reminder first to myself, written in need, not from a place of knowing, but hoping.
If it benefits you too, then All Praise is due to Allah سبحانه وتعالى alone.
There is a quiet pressure to be hard.
To speak sharply so you’re taken seriously.
To walk with pride so you aren’t dismissed.
To trade softness for survival.
But Islaam teaches that rahmah (mercy, compassion, and softness) is not weakness. It is a strength that reflects true Imaan.
“Indeed, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness. He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness.”
— (Sunan Abi Dawud 4807)
Even Mūsā (ʿalayhi as-salām) was told to speak gently - to Firʿawn.
How, then, do we speak to those we love?
To those we live with?
To ourselves?
💬 A Letter to Myself
Dear self,
You do not need to match hardness with hardness.
You do not need to protect your heart by sharpening your tone.
The Prophet ﷺ was the strongest of men — and yet, perfected his speech.
You can correct without shaming.
You can disagree without humiliating.
You can set boundaries with grace.
You can correct with mercy, and still be firm.
Softness isn’t about being passive.
It’s about choosing kindness when you could choose different.
It’s about following the path of the one who was rahmah to the worlds.
🎐 What I’m Trying to Nurture
🫧 1. Softness in Correction
Choosing the right moment.
Lowering the voice when giving advice.
Separating the deed from the person.
💬 2. Gentle Tone at Home
Speaking kindly to parents, spouse, siblings.
Avoiding harsh replies, even when tired.
Using the Prophet ﷺ as the model for how to correct with care.
🌙 3. Rahmah in Du‘a and Thought
Making du‘a for those who upset me instead of lashing back.
Thinking good of others - giving excuses when unclear.
Having mercy on myself when I fall short.
📝 Practical Steps to Reclaim Softness
Pause before reacting: Is this word healing or harming?
Write a du‘a asking Allah to place softness in your heart and speech.
Practice silent responses when anger rises. Take a deep breath before replying.
Reflect on someone whose softness helped you grow, and become that for others.
📖 Anchored in Revelation
“And lower your wing to the believers who follow you.”
— Sūrah ash-Shuʿarā’ (26:215)
“It is by mercy from Allah that you were gentle with them. Had you been harsh and hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you.”
— Sūrat Āl ʿImrān (3:159)
“Whoever is deprived of gentleness is deprived of all good.”
— (Sunan Ibn Majah 3687)
🌸 Final Reflections
You don’t need to harden to thrive.
Softness is not surrender.
It’s the highest form of strength when done for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى.
Let your words be a comfort.
Let your tone be light.
Let your mercy be a reflection of what you want to receive.
With love always,
still striving, still learning — your sister in need of Allah.
