Forbearance – The Strength of Emotional Control
Bismillāh.
This is a reminder first to myself, written in need, not from a place of knowing, but hoping.
If it benefits you too, then All Praise is due to Allah سبحانه وتعالى alone.
“Speak your truth.”
“Don’t hold back.”
“Clap back quickly.”
How common is this sentiment in our societies?
The one who can restrain herself when provoked is the one who truly wins.
Forbearance is that deep, dignified patience.
It’s what the Prophet ﷺ mastered, and what the Salaf deeply respected.
And it’s what I’m trying to learn.
“The strong is not the one who overcomes others by strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.”
— (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114)
💬 A Letter to Myself
Dear self,
You don’t need to act on every feeling.
You don’t need to match every hurt with a reaction.
Silence and composure may be heavier on the scales than all the arguments you could win.
You are not weak when you choose calmness.
You are strong when you walk away without humiliation or pride.
You are victorious when you put the Akhirah first and let the dunya pass.
Your anger may feel justified.
But your forbearance is rewarded in sha’ Allah.
Hold it. Delay it. Suppress it.
For the sake of the One who sees it all.
💎 What I’m Trying to Strengthen
🧭 1. Emotional Delays
Replacing quick reactions with du‘a: “Allāhumma ighfir lī, Allāhumma’jurnī.”
Taking a pause before replying, especially when stung
Avoiding major decisions or responses when overwhelmed
🧱 2. Control Without Coldness
Staying firm but not cruel
Listening fully, responding gently
Learning to say: “Let’s speak about this when emotions settle.”
☁️ 3. Control in line with Sunnah
Making wudhu’ when anger rises
Seeking forgiveness for what I said when I didn’t think
Remembering how the Prophet ﷺ treated those who mocked or rejected him - with calmness, not chaos
📝 Practical Steps to Build Forbearance
Begin each morning with a du‘a:
“O Allah, place in my heart light, and in my character forbearance, and in my actions sincerity.”Keep a “pause journal” - where you note moments you almost lost it, but didn’t.
Choose one conversation per week to enter consciously:
“I will not speak emotionally. I will respond with clarity and calm.”Reflect on the people in your life who exhibit forbearance. What makes them so respected?
📖 Anchored in Revelation
“And when they are angry, they forgive.”
— Sūrah ash-Shūrā (42:37)
“And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.”
— Sūrah Fuṣṣilat (41:34)
“Verily, those who control themselves when they are angry, and forgive others — Allah loves the doers of good.”
— Sūrah Āl ʿImrān (3:134)
🌸 Final Reflections
This world tells you to react fast and hard.
But Jannah is for the ones who hold back.
You don’t lose when you stay quiet.
You win when your character rises above your ego.
And you honour yourself the most —
when you let your calmness speak louder than your rage.
With love always,
still striving, still learning — your sister in need of Allah.
