Femininity – Returning to a Strength that’s Soft
Bismillāh.
This is a reminder first to myself, written in need, not from a place of knowing, but hoping.
If it benefits you too, then All Praise is due to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى alone.
Softness is not weakness.
We’ve inherited a culture that shouts louder than it listens, that dismisses modesty as oppression, and treats feminine traits as obstacles to power.
But the most honoured women of Islaam - Maryam, Khadeejah, Faatimah, and the righteous from the Salaf: embodied a femininity that carried strength with humility, presence with modesty, and power with Taqwa.
“Indeed, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.”
— (Sunan Ibn Majah 3689)
💬 A Letter to Myself
Dear self,
You do not have to become harsh to be heard.
You do not need to abandon your softness to be respected.
Your value was never meant to be measured by how closely you resemble men but by how sincerely you embody what Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى loves.
Return to softness - not the kind the world commodifies, but the kind that the Angels record in your benefit in sha’ Allah.
🌿 What I’m Trying to Reclaim
🪞 1. Grace in Appearance
Honouring Hayaa’ in how I dress and carry myself
Prioritising cleanliness, softness, and care - for Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى ‘s sake, not attention
Choosing simplicity and subtlety over trends that reveal more than they protect
🫖 2. Warmth in Interaction
Letting my akhlaaq be gentle
Replacing sarcasm with sincerity
Responding to harshness with calm, not imitation
🌸 3. Presence in the Home
Embracing the role of emotional nurturer without shame
Creating a space of peace, not perfection
Using my femininity as a balm
📝 Practical Ways to Embrace Femininity
Learn about the righteous women of Islaam - reflect on how they spoke, served, and carried themselves
Remove phrases from your language that praise hardness or mock softness
Ask myself: Is my strength visible through sabr, humility, and good character?
Beautify your space and routines with quiet joy. Flowers, scent, organisation as a form of gratitude
📖 Anchored in Qur’an and Sunnah
“And lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all sounds is the braying of the donkey.”
— Sūrah Luqmān (31:19)
“So he called her from beneath her, ‘Do not grieve; your Lord has provided beneath you a stream.’”
— Sūrah Maryam (19:24)
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity and not to display their beauty except what is apparent…”
— Sūrah an-Nūr (24:31)
🌸 Final Reflections
You were created with purpose and it’s not to compete with men in their characteristics.
Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى has created you different.
Return to your softness.
Because your Lord loves gentleness.
With love always,
still striving, still learning — your sister in need of Allah.
